Childhood Blues
by penchou
Summary: Petra supposes this is what she gets for not acting on her feelings for her long time childhood friend. [winterrw2018 Day 3 - Jealousy/Shiver]


Human emotions are dumb.

Petra concludes this as she stares at the unwanted sight before her.

Levi is currently bantering with Hanji again at the counter, possibly waiting for their orders to come and Petra mentally berates herself for thinking that this hang out could be entirely going in her favor. Obviously, she had been mistaken.

She also curses herself for declining Levi's offer to come with him in going to the café their group always frequent whenever exams and project week are officially over. Petra only guesses that this is what she also gets for thinking that he'd protest at her refusal, making himself repeat the offer even if he knows it would annoy her but alas! He did not take the hint.

Screw boys and their obliviousness to a girl's inner turmoil!

The currently brooding woman is seemingly brought out of her thoughts when she feels a light nudge to her shoulder. Turning her head to look at the perpetrator, she flashes him a quick look of disapproval.

"Stop it, Aurou." She says, grunting all the while and buries her head under her arms on the table, not caring if she is acting so immature.

"You know," he starts, ignoring her childish antics. "It would be best if you just told him how you feel."

As if expecting her reaction, he quickly backs away from his seat when Petra slams her hands on the table, head now raised with an apparent flush of anger. Aurou internally sighs at his friend.

"And ruin our friendship?" she half hisses and half shouts at him. At this point she's not even being subtle about it anymore. "No way!"

"Petra, please calm down." Aurou practically begs, half whispering to her to settle down, hands gently grabbing at tense shoulders to bring her back down on her chair.

Other patrons spare conspicuous looks at them, but he ignores their silent judging. Intent to keep Petra in a much calmer state. God knows what would happen if she gets kicked out of the coffee shop for being so rowdy, especially if Levi turns up to catch her like that.

Glancing back at aforementioned man, the sandy blonde sighs in relief to find that the subject of his shorter friend's affection is still busy with the eccentric biology major, orders still out of sight; not even sparing one look at their table to see if the two haven't bailed out. Thankfully, the linguistics major seemed to calm down.

Unfortunately, she also notices his wary gaze at the duo before them.

"Just look at them, Aurou." She says longingly, eyes drooping with sadness and yearning for someone who meant so much, especially if that same person grew up together with her. "They just look so perfect together."

Her friend follows her line of sight, and internally heaves another sigh. She tries to ignore the painful ache in her chest, her heart beating loudly as she sees Levi slightly shove Hanji to the side, nose scrunching up in disgust but knowing him – _oh, knowing him so well_ – it is that of fondness.

"You can try." Is the weak suggestion of her confidante.

She's an idiot. A hopeless idiot.

Petra has no chance against her. Yes, Hanji might be a bit of an eccentric psycho but her dynamic with their resident 'grumpy cat' is so on par with each other that Petra doesn't feel like she is growing further apart from her childhood friend. Sure, they still hang out from time to time, but she gets the feeling that he's hiding something, something he does not want her to know.

Groaning, yet again, she rests her forehead on the sleek surface of the table before letting out a deep breath.

She feels so suffocated right now, damn it.

* * *

He feels something wrong has happened to Petra, when he walks his way back to their table, a tray full of their coffee on his hands, and takes the seat opposite to her

Levi spares her a worried glance, hoping that she'd return the look with one of affirmation that she is indeed okay. Instead, Petra averts her amber eyes – _why do they look so red?_ – away from his and blankly stares down at the table, her hands probably fiddling under the table with anxiety at this point.

"Okay, one order of salted caramel iced coffee for Petra," Beside him, Hanji grabs said coffee and hands it out to the unusually stoic girl who shakily reaches for it. "A large cup of black tea for Levi." He takes it from her and all he could think about is how Petra is slowly shrinking herself in her seat, as if his very presence is killing her.

Levi vaguely hears his seatmate talk about one of her recent experiments to be used in her thesis, once they settle down. He doesn't bother to give a comment about how unsanitary it is for her to do said thesis in the lab full of animal carcass, only focusing on his still nervous childhood friend wondering what he can do to make her more comfortable.

"Are you okay?" the concerned tone of Aurou's voice breaks him out of his stupor and Levi watches the taller man tap Petra's shoulder before seeing her also waking up out of her daze and gives the sandy blonde a soft smile in reassurance.

Somehow, he feels his blood boil in anger.

* * *

Petra can not handle this any longer.

Even after breaking out of her almost nervous breakdown, with the help of Aurou of course, she is still tempted to just sit there and do nothing but if she did then it would arise more suspicions especially for her other two companions. So, she decides to give a hand at conversation, forcing herself to laugh at the jokes Hanji makes, and playfully smacks her seatmate's shoulder when he says something stupid, drinking her beverage periodically.

Apparently even after all that, she still feels him staring at her.

Being under Levi's unwavering watch makes her skin crawl with the urge to hide herself away from him. She even notices that he is not paying attention to the conversation, concentrated in trying to get hers. Unfortunately, she is not taking the bait and tries to ignore him instead.

She's just about done with Hanji's usual antics, who is stupidly about to flicking her own drink at her with just a straw when Levi finally speaks up.

"Petra, I –"

She does not let him finish because she suddenly stands up from her seat and quickly excuses herself, muttering out a lame excuse for forgetting she had something to do before coming out and leaves.

Petra almost misses the hurting tone of Levi calling after her.

* * *

She's an idiot. A hopeless and utter idiot.

Standing right outside of her apartment, she pitifully bangs her head against the door, silently berating herself for forgetting her keys inside, and now she's stuck outside.

In the rain, no less.

When she left the café, she didn't expect the sudden and quick downpour of precipitation. Hurriedly covering herself with her sling bag, she runs all the way to her apartment not caring whether she is rapidly growing wetter by the minute as rain falls down on her.

And now just when she arrived at her apartment complex – she lives in the second floor but there is still not enough shade to block her from the falling rain. Petra is dumbfoundedly stuck outside her home, and soaked head to toe from the rain.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid." She chants to herself, banging her head against the door with every word. Her head hurts, her bag is soaked in the inside along with her valuables, she's locked outside her apartment, her clothes cling grossly to her skin, and to quickly summarize every aspect of what she is feeling right now, Petra feels like shit.

Knowing that there is nothing she can do, she slowly slides her down her back against the door, arms hugging her legs to her chest and buries her head in defeat. The second she does it, she lets the unshed tears free.

It hurts, everything hurts and now, Petra doesn't know what to do anymore. Never in her entire life has she ever felt this low before. Self-deprecating thoughts run through her head, finally appearing after such a long time of hoping, of _waiting_ for something, _for_ _someone_ to just take the pain away. Chuckling to herself, she doesn't care anymore.

Letting herself get drowned to the sounds of the heavy rain splattering against her, Petra sits there, shivering, and waits.

The world never felt so cold right now.

* * *

She doesn't know how much time has passed. It could be seconds, minutes, hours that have passed but she doesn't know, and she doesn't care.

The rain hasn't ceased yet and at this rate she must look so pitiful from top bottom. Petra is freezing from the cold air and with her damp clothes, she can't even manage to warm herself up.

Truthfully, she should have called Levi, he has her keys and in this situation, she desperately needs it but how could she when she willingly left him without any reason, without a proper explanation. He was being a good friend who got concerned for her.

Petra knows she's being petty right now but at this point she can't even bring herself to care anymore.

That is when she hears footsteps coming towards her. She freezes in place, hoping that it is just a neighbor of hers and nobody else.

(Secretly, she wishes it was him.)

The footsteps are getting closer now judging by the sounds it makes and Petra closes her eyes hard and wishes that it is not who she thinks it to be.

"Aren't you shivering there in your place?"

Of course, it has to be him.

"Go away, Levi." she complains, her voice muffled by her arms, but he does not leave.

She hears the swift unbuckling sounds of an umbrella and Petra does not have to know that he is sitting down beside her, the umbrella serving as a protection from the rain.

They stay quiet like that. For how long, Petra is not quite sure. They both listen to the constant pitter patter of rainwater as it falls down from the sky, the liquid bouncing back towards them from the ground even with the help of an umbrella.

Another minute passes before Levi speaks up, his voice soft enough for her to hear him out

"Aurou told me everything."

Petra hitches a breath, "He did?"

"Yeah, he did." he whispers.

They let another moment pass by between them, long enough for them to assess their situation. That is, until Levi broke it.

"Is that why you left earlier?" he asks, a simple question really but Petra is not so sure on answering. She does not really know how to answer it after all.

After a while, she starts, picking her head up to rest on top of her knees. "I was scared."

"Scared of what?" Levi prompts.

"Scared that you'd leave me once you knew." she leaves it with that, not knowing how to explain it further.

Levi meanwhile thinks of the meaning behind her words, knows that even if she is the most vocal out of the two of them, she still has some reservations. Like the one she has now.

"I won't." he says simply, leaning his head on the wall behind him. "I won't leave you. I could never leave you."

"You can't promise that." She counters.

"Oh, please Petra," he retorts back. "We've been together since we were kids. If I feel like leaving you, then I would have left a long time ago."

"Then why didn't you?" she argues spitting the words at him, tired of his pity.

Levi only sighs at her. "I told you I could never leave you."

Unsatisfied with his answer, she shoots him a look of exasperation. "You should have left all those years ago. You're a fool to believe that I'm worth staying for."

"I guess you're right Petra." He decides to play with her words, patience running thin. He needs her to understand him, damn it.

"Maybe I am a fool." he states and adds. "A fool for thinking that I don't deserve you."

She is silent, the palms of her hands much more interesting to her now.

"Look at me Petra." he says, twisting to his side so that his body is facing hers. She doesn't move. "Look at me, please."

Hesitantly she does, turning her head to look back at him, her body tense.

"I'm sorry." he says after a while.

"For what?" she cocks an eyebrow.

"For hurting you." Levi explains, "I was an ass."

She stares at him quietly for a good second before surprising him with a snort. "You didn't have to. It should be me who should be sorry"

"I wanted to."

"Whatever."

And she gives him a small smile, enough for him to know that she's feeling a bit better. That one smile showing that even after a huge fight between them just like this one, to show thst she is okay.

Playfully nudging her shoulder, she tries to make a complaint but lets out a laugh instead.

"So." he draws out, "why are you currently outside your apartment out in the rain?"

"I left my keys inside." Petra shrugs, leaning onto his side, placing her head on shoulder. He hums in acknowledgement.

They listen to the gradual decrease of precipitation, Levi closing the umbrella and placing it on his other side, careful not to move too much and rests his head against hers, wounding his arm around her form to bring her closer. The sound of rain growing fainter until it completely stops and they stand up for Levi to give her his set of keys, giving her one final look of assurance that everything will be alright before leaving.

It only occurs to her later, after they had made up and he left once she's inside her apartment, that all she finally feels is at peace.


End file.
